Dear Anxiety,
Just a few minutes ago, I was about to write you, asking you to give me a break; to stop suffocating my faith. But you weren’t the one affecting my faith, I was.
It was I, who decided to uproot my faith, I was like the Chinese proverbs “Pulling up crops to help them grow” meaning I was impatient and trying to force things that simply wasn’t ready to flourish in my life, but it’s all about God’s timing, not mine and each and every time I dictate his work, that’s when I run into you.
I know now that it isn’t your fault that I keep bumping into you, It’s mine. If I was patiently waiting on God’s green light and didn’t rush through the light when it was clearly yellow. I didn’t listen, I didn’t slow down. So I apologize and I’ll try my best to not crash into you again.
P.S -Don’t write back.
Sincerely,
Learning to be faithful.
The big ‘A’, Anxiety was something I’ve been struggling with since I was sixteen, yeah, of course, everybody has faced my old friend before in life. So where exactly am I going with this? When I turned sixteen it was the prime of life I guess. While everyone around me was so set and sure about their future, I was second guessing mine, since I was old enough to know what occupation was, I was set on being a doctor especially with the fact that my grandmother had declared her first grandchild being a doctor , so yeah, who the hell am I to think otherwise and it’s wasn’t like I didn’t had the choice I was free to do whatever made me happy but I feared disappointment. Sadly, what everybody didn’t realize how much I was struggling with the sciences, I was somewhat good with numbers but I sucked at the sciences and I knew for a fact I tried hard but it wasn’t for me and that’s when I invited fear into my life and trust me where there is fear there is anxiety around the corner waiting for your fall.
This is just one of the many encounters I’ve had with anxiety and I could go on and on but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. It’s the fact that I was following everything but God’s vision for my life. Sometimes we get so caught up in things that our parents vision for our lives or even your teachers and friends and we don’t listen to the voice that matters the most, he knows best so why seek validation and direction other places. I know easier said than done but all it takes is prayer and talking to God and he will lead you to your passion and main purpose in life, please don’t learn the hard way like me, don’t waste your money on doctor visits to check if you have a heart condition because your heart races faster than Usain Bolt; he will take your money and tell you it’s anxiety. I went from having anxiety attacks in exams or crumbling on my kitchen floor gasping for breath simply because I didn’t have control over my life but was it mine, to begin with in the first place, not at all. Of course, every now and then I can feel myself allowing fear to sneak in but that’s when I feel his presence reminding me to feed my faith and starve my fear.
“1 Peter -5: 7 – Cast your anxieties on him for he cares about you”
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